“You mean Jeb’s embracing the Black Lives Matter movement and racism in America?” asked This Reporter.
“Whoa!” said Mayhem. “Back up that cart, Boy. I said Jeb’s sensitive to their concerns. I didn’t say he wants to apologize for something that never happened like slavery.”
“Frankly, I wanted to start with his nose or lips, but going after the black vote is new terrain for any Republican,” said Mayhem. “Starting with his left hand was our way of hoisting a flag and seeing who salutes it.”
“On that basis, it was a colossal failure. They’re saying it was PhotoShopped on every news program,” said This Reporter.
“What do you expect them to say? That Jeb denies his mixed-race heritage?” said Mayhem with a wink.
“Jeb is mixed-race?” asked This Reporter, “Since when?”
“Since we took a poll and determined that African American voters are more favorable of a mixed-race candidate,” snapped Mayhem. “How do you think Hussein got the White House?”
“Isn’t it enough that Jeb’s wife is Mexican?” asked This Reporter.
“Oh, that’s another thing we’re working on,” said Mayhem. “We’re re-positioning her as Venezuelan. The Mexican immigration issue is too hot now.”
“How can you change someone’s nationality?” asked This Reporter.
“Ask your Kenyan-born President!”
“I still don’t understand how any of this will work with the Conservative Republican base.” said This Reporter.
“In urban markets with a large African American audience, Jeb will appear increasingly blacker. First one hand, than the other, then the entire right side of his face. While in the Bible Belt, he’ll appear so white they’ll think he’s an albino.”
“That’s deceptive. People want a candidate they can trust,” said This Reporter.
“No they don’t. Otherwise, Trump would be belly up by now. The man’s gone into bankruptcy four times. He’s had three wives. Even his hair is a lie. But Trump tells people what they want to hear. That’s the only way to win an election,” said Mayhem. “Give ‘em what they want!”
“So, Jeb Bush is going to tell his base that he’s white and he’s going to tell minorities that he’s part black?” asked This Reporter.
“That’s the beauty of it. Jeb isn’t going to say anything. He doesn’t have to. His Super PAC ads will say it for him,” said Mayhem. “Not only will his skin tone appear darker in some ads and lighter in others. But we’ll also use different narrators and soundtracks. In urban areas, the voice-over will be Morgan Freeman with music by Kanye West. In the Midwest, we’re thinking Clint Eastwood and Garth Brooks.”
“Why would Morgan Freeman and Kanye West be involved with a Republican candidate?”
“A Republican candidate of mixed race!” said Mayhem.
“Nobody with a brain is going to believe that,” said This Reporter.
“That’s what we’re counting on,” said Mayhem. “According to our polls, the average American IQ is falling faster than the Dow Jones. By November 2016, we figure over half the nation will be brain dead. They’ll believe whatever we tell them.”