“Are you saying that Iraq’s major source of energy is for sale?” asked This Reporter.
“Everything’s for sale if you’ve got enough money,” said Trump. “I could buy all of Iraq and Syria tomorrow.”
“What would you do with the people?” asked This Reporter.
“Well, as you know,they are mostly murderers and rapists,” said Trump. “I’ll send them to Siberia, along with Assad. Let Putin figure out what to do with them. Of course, I imagine that some of them are good people. I will find employment for them in Trump casinos and exclusive golf clubs I’d develop in Bahgdad and Damascus.”
“I have very good people working at Trump properties. I assure you that no terrorist will get past my doorman,” said Trump.
“What about people who do not live in a Trump property?” asked This Reporter.
“There’s still time to buy a condo in my newest Trump Tower in the Philippines. It’s huge. The swimming pool on the 30th floor has an incredible view,” said Trump.
“You’re talking about a relatively small group of very rich people,” said This Reporter. “As President, you will be responsible for protecting everyone. Not just the 1%.”
“The poor love me,” said Trump. “We get along beautifully. I employ millions of them around the world, mostly far below minimum wage.”
“Yes, but how will you protect the majority of Americans, who do not live in gated communities, from Islamic terrorism?” said This Reporter.
“First, I’m not going to let these crazies inside our country the way France did,” said Trump. “The French are wonderful people but they are stupid when it comes to terrorism. I’m going to build a wall around the United States. I’ll make Canada pay for our northern border and Mexico pay for the southern border. The Chinese will pay for our West Coast border and England will pay for the East Coast.”
“Why would England pay for a US border wall?” asked This Reporter.
“Because they owe us. We saved their asses in World War Two,” said Trump.
“What about China? They don’t owe us. We owe them.”
“The Chinese love me. You wait and see. They’ll pay up,” said Trump.
“So you’re an isolationist? No boots on the ground. Just maneuvering real estate?” asked This Reporter.
“That’s all countries are,” smiled Trump. “They are real estate. That’s why I’m leading in all the polls.”
“Actually, Mr. Trump, you fell behind Ben Carson after the last debate. And Hillary Clinton has consistently been in the lead, even with her email problems,” said This Reporter.
“I don’t worry about Carson,” said Trump. “The American people are going to open their eyes and discover that his have been partially closed a long time. As for Hillary, we get along beautifully, but her the expiration date on her credibility has long passed.”
“Even so, she’s doing better than you in the polls,” said This Reporter. “Especially after the attacks in Paris. She’s the only candidate with legitimate international relations experience.”
“Oh, come on!” cried Trump. “I’ve done business around the globe for years. I even have a golf course in Dubai. We had to relocate a herd of camels for that.”
“You think that will be enough to gain the confidence of voters?” asked This Reporter.
“I know it will,” said Trump. “ I am the only candidate who is not answerable to any lobbyists. When I buy this election, it’s going to be entirely with my own money.”