“It just comes naturally to me,” said Hokum who was expelled from George Wallace High School last year for obscene Tweets about his school’s principal.
“What made you decide to do social media for Trump?” asked This Reporter.
“What do you mean you run his campaign?” said This Reporter.
Hokum shrugged and wiped his nose on his Confederate flag t-shirt.
“I dunno,” sniffled Hokum. “I just stay up at late at night drinking Red Bull and thinkin’ up cool stuff to Tweet and use Trump’s handle. I must be doing it right because they’re paying me mucho buckos. Hell, I make more than my older brother and he’s got the number one meth lab in the county.”
“Do you realize that your Tweets turned Donald Trump, a man with absolutely no political experience into the leading Republican candidate for president?” said This Reporter.
“Gosh, no,” gasped Hokum. “I thought I was helping promote a fried chicken franchise.”
“So you’re the one who Tweets about Mexicans and Muslims, not Trump?” asked This Reporter.
“Yup. Mr. Trump, he’s got no time for Tweeting. His thumbs are too big. Me? I got nothin’ but time and I can work my thumbs real fast.”
“Haven’t you find it difficult to Tweet things that are outright lies?” asked This Reporter.
“Nah. I had no problem Tweeting that my principal gave me a blow job behind the bleachers and, like, that never happened. I still can’t figure out why I was expelled. I mean, the Declaration of Independence guarantees us freedom of speech, right?” said Hokum.
“Um, I think that’s the Constitution, son,” said This Reporter.
“Whatever,” said Hokum.
“But what do you actually know about foreign affairs, international terrorism or other political issues?” said This Reporter.
“I don’t know nothin’. That’s why Trump hired me. He says I’m the Voice of the People.” said Hokum. “We don’t even have a TV since the repo man took it away.”
“I’m still a little confused,” said This Reporter. “ If you don’t have a television and don’t follow the news, how have you been able to Tweet obscenities about the other Republican presidential candidates and the Mayor of Philadelphia?”
“Oh, that’s easy,” said Hokum. “Mr. Trump’s people send me a list of names every day and tell me to, ya know, mess ‘em up. So, I just call them the same names I call my friends. Losers, know-nothings, idiots. I also use the word “worst” a lot. Mr. Trump likes me calling people that.”
“Have you ever met a Muslim?” asked This Reporter.
“Hell, no,” said Hokum. “I never met Superman either, but I know he’s good and Muslims are bad.
“How can you Tweet such awful things about people you’ve never met?” asked This Reporter.
“Hey, man, for five hundred bucks a week, I’d Tweet nasty stuff about my own mother,” said Hokum.
“Is that what Trump is paying you?” said This Reporter.
“Yeah, what’s wrong with that?”
“You can do better,” said This Reporter.
“You better believe it,” said This Reporter. “Here, get in touch with this guy.”
“Ted Cruz? Never heard of him,” said Hokum. “You sure he’ll pay me more?”
“Without a doubt, son. Without a doubt.”